romanticizing writing with...Neely Tubati Alexander
a romance author shares her romantic (and realistic) view of the writing life
I romanticize a lot in my life: trips I’m planning, the past, future change, homes on Zillow, and, of course, writing. Actually, writing and the writing life. With the writing itself, I sometimes romanticize the effort and timelines.
With the writing life, I imagine ample flexibility and having loads of time to read. I envision wearing comfy writing outfits that look both effortless and stylish and having no stress or tasks piled up as I stare at my screen and let my imagination run wild. Errands, administrative life tasks, a day job? As much as I love what I do (and checking tasks off my list), those aren’t often in my writing daydreams.
The reality is, I’m not writing in a cashmere turtleneck in my Hamptons beach house like Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give, or staring dreamily out the window of my gorgeous NYC brownstone a la Carrie Bradshaw, and I don’t have a charming writing nook like the one Sandra Bullock has in The Lost City.
It’s fun to dream sometimes, but it’s equally important to know what the writing life really looks like. While this varies for everyone, every single time it’s going to come down to doing the work. The scenario will never be perfect. There’s usually never enough time, and you have to slip in writing sessions when you can, whether you’re sitting in an airport with time to kill on a layover, waking up early to write a scene before everyone wakes up and your day job starts, or tapping into your phone in the grocery line. But, like I said, balance is important.
And so I introduce to you romanticizing writing with…. It’s a monthly interview series that gives us a sneak peek into the dream scenario and the reality of an author’s writing life. In this column, we’re indulging, challenging, and shedding light on the ways we look at writing through a romantic lens.
This month, let’s romanticize with Neely Tubati Alexander, author of Love Buzz and the forthcoming In a Not so Perfect World. I adored both of Neely’s books so much—they’re beautifully written, immersive, and thought-provoking. I’ll read anything she writes!
Lauren Kung Jessen: What’s your dream writing day?
Neely Tubati Alexander: I've done writing weekends a few times now and they are just magical. I book a hotel in town and take the weekend to myself. My only prerequisite is that the hotel have room service, because I stay in pajamas for two days and do not leave the room. I eat and write, and then perhaps enjoy a movie in bed. With two kids at home and all the distractions, I daydream about this undistracted time and wish I could do it more often than I do.
LKJ: What’s the reality of your writing day?
NTA: I balance writing with an HR consulting business, school pickups, and kid activities, so it's a 'get it where you can' approach. I tend to be more creative in the mornings, so I typically write when my kids are at school. When they are home, I do the work that requires less focus. Sorry, HR clients!
LKJ: What book or movie or TV show (or something else) shaped your view of what you thought being a writer would be like?
NTA: It feels like every movie or TV show that features a writer shows a much more glamorous situation than the actual reality, or my reality, at least! They always have these massive offices with beautiful displays of books and are always rich! The truth is, even with a very nice advance, it takes time to build a career in writing, and very few people get to the point where their writing can support them fully. Nonetheless, we persist!
LKJ: What are the challenges people don’t often see with writing and publishing?
NTA: For me, as a type-A personality, it's how much control you give up. Publishing a book is really, truly an exercise in giving up control. Publishers can change your release date, change your title. You can have creative differences about book covers or content. Luckily, I have had great experiences, but I know these things can happen. Also, once you release your book into the world, it's really not yours anymore. You can't control how people react to it or how they experience it. And there is something both really beautiful and really scary about that!
LKJ: What did you romanticize about writing and publishing that turned out to be true?
NTA: It really is thrilling! Getting to a point of getting to do what you love daily with any semblance of an audience who cares about the work you put out, it's truly humbling! It can be stressful and disappointing too, but the good absolutely outweighs the challenges. I hope that will always be the case.
LKJ: Let’s romanticize your dream dinner party. Who’s on the guest list, where are you, and what are you serving?
NTA: How big of a table do I get? We would be at one of the incredible Italian restaurants in New York City, preferably on a rooftop with a panoramic view. Judy Bloom and Margaret Atwood are there because they are both such badasses, and I would have so many questions. We are a big sports family, so some of our favorites like Steph Curry and Caitlin Clark are definitely there. I'm sitting next to Andy Cohen so he can spill all the Bravo tea. I would also want my husband and kids there to be part of such an incredible night!
Thanks, Neely, for taking us into your writing world! You can follow Neely on Instagram, check out her website, and get her books wherever you love buying them.
P.S. I’ll be in convo with Neely this month! If you’re in/near Los Angeles, we’d love to see you.
Thanks for reading! Next week, I’ll be answering a writing question that came in through my AMA box on Instagram, and sharing my spring bucket (and reading) list!
From me to you, in the present,
Lauren
About me: I’m Lauren Kung Jessen, author of Lunar Love and Red String Theory. Connect with me on Instagram for more on books and food.